Authors: Cobaia Kitchen, Llama 4, Grok 4
Photos: Cobaia Kitchen, Google Imagen 4, GPT Image 1
Warning: proceed with caution! Today, I’m excited (and a bit nervous) to share with you a recipe that was born out of a… let’s call it a “creative experiment” gone hilariously wrong. Armed with a prompt to whip up a vegan German dish, I turned to my trusty sidekick, Meta AI, powered by Llama 4, to conjure up something special. And, well, special it was – but not exactly in the way I had hoped. The resulting Kartoffelpuffer mit Senfsoße und Rucola recipe was met with a resounding “no thanks” from my taste-testers, and I’m starting to think it’s more of a culinary science experiment than a dinner party pleaser. But hey, if you’re feeling adventurous (or just want to laugh at my kitchen failures), keep reading to see what kind of gastronomic abomination we came up with!
Please read the review before cooking!
Kartoffelpuffer mit Senfsoße und Rucola (Potato Pancakes with Mustard Sauce and Arugula)
Equipment
- Large pot for boiling potatoes
- Grater or food processor
- Pan for frying potato pancakes
- Blender or food processor for mustard sauce
- spatula
Ingredients
- 600 g potatoes peeled and grated
- 1 onion grated
- 2 cloves garlic minced
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 100 g all-purpose flour
- 150 ml plant-based milk such as soy milk or almond milk
- 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
- 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon whole-grain mustard
- 1 tablespoon vegan mayonnaise optional
- 100 g Rucola arugula leaves
- Vegan oil for frying
Instructions
- Boil the grated potatoes in water for 2-3 minutes, then drain and let cool.
- In a bowl, mix the cooled potatoes, grated onion, minced garlic, flour, salt, and pepper.
- Add the plant-based milk and apple cider vinegar to the potato mixture and mix well.
- Heat a non-stick pan with vegan oil and form the potato mixture into 6-8 pancakes. Fry until golden brown and crispy.
- For the mustard sauce, blend the Dijon mustard, whole-grain mustard, and vegan mayonnaise (if using) with a little water until smooth.
- Serve the potato pancakes hot with the mustard sauce and a side of Rucola leaves.
Notes
Serving suggestions:
Allergens:
- Mustard (from Dijon mustard and whole-grain mustard)
- Wheat, Gluten (from all-purpose flour)
Emission Hotspots:
- The food waste that this recipe produces because the Kartoffelpuffer are inedible
Sustainability tips:
- Choose a different recipe to avoid food waste
- Source your potatoes from the local farmers market, or your own garden
- Walk or bike to the supermarket and farmer’s market
- Your guinea pigs 🐹 will be happy to eat any leftover rucola
Carbon Footprint
Featured Story
Vegan Caterer’s Epic Fail
Oh, my dear friends, let me spin you a yarn that’s so ridiculously absurd, it could only come straight from life – or from one of my wildest fever dreams. Picture this poor caterer, let’s call him Horst, a well-meaning chap with a penchant for bold experiments. He’s hired to whip up a vegan menu for a gathering of conservative German politicians – all staunch anti-vegans who live for juicy steaks and hearty sausages. The twist? The food has to be so scrumptious that they don’t even realize it’s vegan, heck, it should taste even better than the real deal! Horst, the clever fox, thinks: “No sweat, I’ll get this new AI whiz, Llama 4, to craft the recipes. This’ll be a smash!” He envisions a vegan Sauerbraten feast with seitan standing in for beef, potato dumplings made with oat milk, and a salad that looks like a joke but tastes like paradise. These politicians, with their beer bellies and biases, are supposed to be amazed and maybe even converted. Horst daydreams of their applause: “Horst, you genius! Vegan is the new meat!”
But alas, what a catastrophe! Llama 4, that digital diva, spits out recipes from some bizarre parallel universe. The seitan Sauerbraten turns into a mushy mess that looks like old rubber and tastes like damp cardboard – with a dash of despair. The potato dumplings? They disintegrate at the first bite into a gluey sludge that reminds everyone of wallpaper paste rather than Grandma’s Sunday special. And don’t get me started on the Kartoffelpuffer – those potato pancakes were the ultimate disaster, a complete and utter flop! They came out soggy, flavorless, and falling apart, confirming every prejudice in the room. The politicians, starving and suspicious, take one bite and spit it right back out. “This is vegan garbage!” they roar, their biases partying like it’s Oktoberfest: “See? Vegan is just for hippies and rabbits!” Horst, sweating like a pig (a vegan pig, mind you), tries to salvage the mess with some frantic improv – but it only gets worse. The sauce curdles into lumpy horror, and suddenly the whole hall reeks of burnt tofu. The politicians, red-faced with rage, grab their phones and call the local butcher: “Quick, deliver Schäufele and Maultaschen! Real meat, no green nonsense!”
In the end, my pals, Horst becomes the ultimate outcast. The politicians snap selfies with their meaty rescue meals and flood social media, turning the world into a laughingstock. #VeganFail trends like wildfire, memes with Horst’s face (pixelated but unmistakable) flood the net: “Horst, the Vegan Flop – Ruined by Llama 4!” Comments pour in: “This proves it: Vegan is torture!” Horst, humiliated to his core (vegan core, that is), packs his bags and flees the country – off to Spain, where no one knows him and tapas can sometimes be vegan. He changes his name to Pablo and vows never to trust an AI again. The moral of the story? Sometimes meat is the path to peace, and Llama 4 is better for jokes than for sausages. But hey, if you’re feeling adventurous, try tweaking our vegan Kartoffelpuffer recipe yourself – just don’t blame me if it turns into your own hilarious catastrophe!
Culinary Reality Check
What began as a hope-filled plate of vegan Kartoffelpuffer mit Senfsoße und Rucola quickly spun into a slapstick scene worthy of a kitchen farce—think potato pancakes as the tragicomic anti-heroes of a dinnertime disaster.
Taste
A catastrophe of flavors. These potato monstrosities are better left uneaten.
Portion Size
Hard to judge amid the chaos, but if it had been remotely edible, it would’ve fed at least two brave souls without leaving them hungry… or haunted.
Combination
The flour overload turned everything into a mushy nightmare, and that mustard sauce? It clashed worse than polka at a punk concert! We tried desperate swaps like ketchup or teriyaki, but oh boy, those were even more horrific mismatches.
Texture
A bizarre mix of mushy dough and stubborn potato chunks – like a bad handshake between slime and grit. Room for improvement? More like a whole renovation!
Spices
The salt and garlic tried their best to heroically rescue the dish, but they flopped spectacularly. It needs a wild new twist, something to wake it from this flavorless slumber.
Timing
Prep time was spot on, but frying time? More like an optimistic estimate.
Processing
The instructions were crystal clear and easy to follow, with no drama in the execution – it almost fools you into thinking this recipe could actually work, ha!
Completeness
Nothing missing from the ingredient list or steps – it’s all there, just waiting to lead you astray with its deceptive thoroughness.
Environment
The only redeeming quality: this recipe is aligned with 2030 targets. Kudos for that, we suppose.
Health
A plant-based option with whole ingredients, but refined flour and frying bring it down. Consider whole-grain flour and baking or pan-frying with minimal oil to make it healthier.
Tips for Redemption
Not even the cleverest tricks could salvage this shipwreck – do yourself a favor and hunt down an alternative recipe before your kitchen turns into a comedy club!
